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Part1

“Everyday is the same. There’s nothing more than the dark, dull void that spirals downward until death.” That’s what my father used to say. He died when I turned 19, and I guess for what his life had been since then, he was being an optimist. A middle-aged man who’s dream of being a big movie producer had died long before he did. He worked a normal, but shitty 9 to 5 job as an accountant and hated his life all the same. His wife, my mother, was just as disappointed in the monotony as he was. But, at least she was happy. She’s a veterinarian, which she had worked her whole life to accomplish. But it seemed like she loved her annoying-as-shit Yorkshire Terrior more then she would ever love me. She hasn’t been the same since my father’s death. She comes home from work looking like someone she cared about just shot her in the foot. Hurting, but still too shocked about what happened to comprehend that she needs some help. I guess that comes along with loss. I never really had that much emotion. My girlfriend thinks it’s a problem, but she's still around.

I didn’t even cry at my dad’s funeral. My mom noticed and in a rage later that night, she called me a monster. I retorted with saying I didn’t want to break down because I need to stay strong for her. Really, I knew that he was happier dead. Some would say I’m a cynic.. I prefer “realistic”.

Part 2

My girlfriend’s name is Cassidy. She has light, short brown hair and green eyes that are nice to gaze into. She’s a animal rights activist and head of our class. What she sees in me, I’ll never know. The folks loved her from the moment they met her. They probably were a little surprised, because she's not my usual "type".  Maybe that’s why I kept Cass around so long. So they didn’t think that I was a complete failure. I enjoyed spending time with her though. She was cute and could keep a smile on my face. Fleeting.

I doubt my mom would even notice if Cass didn’t come around the house as much anymore. She’s been too busy wallowing in her own self pity to even pay the bills on time. I sometimes have to remind her the next day after I notice the electricity is off. Those nights, I usually end up charging my cell phone in my car. It's okay, I like the solitude.

One night after dinner, a movie and some light touching that never really got anywhere, Cass and I were laying outside on my roof and she asked me how I’ve been since my father passed. She said I had seemed a little quiet lately, which was funny to me because she usually did most of the talking in our relationship anyway..

I have always had an interest in death. Everyone has thought about “What happens when we die?” But, I really want to know what it feels like. Or to see someone’s life slowly draining from their body? And maybe even being able to see their soul materialize to move on into the next realm? That sounds truly inspiring. 

I kissed her slowly and told her everything was alright. That I was alright. She looked so pretty with her hair pushed back behind her ear. I could tell that she loved me when she looked at me a certain way. I didn’t love her back.. but she was pretty.

Part 3

I drove her home shortly after that. As much as I enjoyed the feeling of holding someone’s hand as I drove, I enjoyed being able to smoke a cigarette on the ride home much more. Cass hates smoking, and constantly reminds me. It gets annoying to no end, but I deal with it because it’s a habit that’s easy to hide from her. Not that I necessarily like lying to her, but it’s easier then dealing with an argument that neither of us will win later. I slowly reached for my pack of Marlboro’s, grabbed my last stick and flicked my lighter. I pulled into a gas station a few blocks from my house to fill up my tank. I needed to make sure I was prepared for a trip I was taking with Cass that weekend. A few of my friends were having a bonfire and she said that getting out of the house would help me “cope better”. I never really was that social, so why would I want to start now? And with a bunch of drunk kids I knew from high school? It sounded pretty dumb in my opinion, but it was something to do. And I knew Cass wouldn’t drink so I could get plastered and would have a designated driver for the night. 

When I walked inside to pay, I got this weird, cold feeling on the back of my neck. I glanced up at the store clerk, then behind me.. No one but the nightly janitor mopping the floors, and an older man trying to decide between Twinkies or a honeybun.

I walked back outside and got into my car. I was fixing the rear view mirror when I saw the reflection of a man standing right behind me. He was tall and dark looking. With a long brown coat and dark hair that draped down to his shoulders. A hat did a pretty good job of covering his eyes, but I could see clearly that he was smiling at me. I quickly looked behind me to yell at him to get away from my car, but there was no one there.

What the hell was that about? "Fuckin’ loon.” I whispered to myself.

That night ended like every other for the past 2 years. An hour or so playing videogames, followed by drifting off too sleep with Adult Swim playing on my TV.

Part 4

“I love you..” she said, lightly touching my chest. She moved her hand up to the back of my neck and pulled me closer into a kiss. Her lips were soft and comforting. I wanted her so badly, but I hesitated to touch her. I slowly looked up and brushed the long, golden hair out of her face to reveal her eyes. They were black and cold. Like she was possessed by a dark storm inside of her. I got up quickly and walked backwards. “What are you?” She was about to answer me, but blood streamed out of her mouth onto the ground below her. As she walked towards me, she left a distinctive trail of the dark, thick liquid.. I was afraid and looking around violently for a way out of what seemed like an endless hallway. I started to run. Looking back occasionally to make sure she was a safe distance away. I ran into a man looking down at me with his hat covering most of his face. All I could see was a lit cigarette between his lips. He took a breath and said “back so soon?”

Part 5

I woke up sweating. I usually don’t dream.. and this was vivid. And from the way my covers and pillows were all on the floor, it seemed like I had had a rough night. I walked downstairs to the scent of my mom making breakfast. She turned to me holding a pan with a half-burnt omlette inside of it. “You’re up before noon? This is a first.”
“Yeah, I didn’t sleep well..”
“It’s probably because you keep your goddamn t.v. on all night. Oh, wait. That’s why I can’t sleep well.”

“I’m going to the library with Cassidy. I’ll be back later.” Anything to get me out of the house. It seems like every conversation with my mother turned awkward pretty quickly. She’s such a bitch lately. It’s sad, but that’s how it’s been since dad’s death. It tore our family apart. Not that I really felt like part of it to begin with.

Whenever I would go hang out with my friends at the old abandoned church in Sunset Valley, I would say I was going to the library with Cass. It’s a sad excuse, but my mom never asked questions about it. I really only had two good friends my whole life. Jon and Elise. I had known Jon since Elementary school. We grew up together and had a lot in common, but recently he’s been in his own little world trying to get things fixed at home. With an alcoholic dad and a mother who’s openly fucking the mailman twice a week, it’s really kicking his ass and his only escape is work, school and getting high with us. Wow, that is bleak.

Elise is a newer friend. Met her Junior year, and hooked up with her for about 4 months. Her fire engine red hair was a real turn on, but it didn’t work out because of her cocaine problem and constant need to be held.

She’s been a drug addict since she was 15 and I blame her parents for giving her all the money she ever asked for. Her family owns a nightclub that’s about an hour away so it’s nice to get VIP every few months when they have special guests. She may be spoiled, but she’s been there for me for a few shitty situations.

“Maybe it’s your subconscious telling you something. Some people say that dreams have significant meanings. Like, because there was blood involved, it could represent disappointments, and an emotional cry for help or a personal conflict. The hallway could signify self exploration, and the man you keep seeing could be yourself telling you something that is troubling you.”

“Have you been reading that stupid astrology website again, Ellie? I’m telling you, all that stuff is bullshit.”

“Typical Leo.”

“Oh yes, The cultural delusion of horoscopes make complete sense. Because the universe’s particular alignment of the stars somehow created my personality and changes day-to-day outcomes. My apologies.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jon.”

She took a hit from the pipe and passed it to me.

“Only problem is that I’m pretty sure that I didn’t dream of him at the gas station. Or maybe I did. I don’t know. I might have drifted off for a second. It’s just one dream. It’s not a big deal.”

Jon’s phone rang. “I gotta go, it’s my sister. She probably is getting in a fight with my dad. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Yeah, I better go too. We have an event at the club tonight, and I want to see my boyfriend before I have to drive out there.”

As I watched them walk to their cars, I noticed a shine from the sun on the river across from the church’s graveyard. I walked over and sat on a rock, looking down into the water. There’s nowhere more peaceful than a graveyard in my opinion. I had been spending my days at this one for years now.  The church had burned down way before I was born for unknown reasons and no one wanted to build a new one, I guess. Some say it’s haunted, but my friends and I spending countless nights there in the past would beg to differ. People are afraid of what they can’t explain, which is nonsensical to me.

I’ve never seen a ghost before, but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in them. I prefer to just ignore the subject and if (by some strange happenstance in the future) I come across a paranormal encounter that cannot be explained, I’ll deal with the matter then. I sat by the river until the sun started to set. The purples, oranges and yellows in the sky were memorizing. Soon the beauty sank into the distance, and I drove home.

Part 6

    I was in a tall, dark, hexagonal building.  The ceiling was at least 20 feet and the only light was the moon shining through the busted windows on each side. It looked like I was surrounded by water; on a beach somewhere. Like some sort of decrepit lighthouse.  I looked around but I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed from the neck down. Standing. Suddenly, I noticed something in my peripheral vision to the right. On a singed wooden table stood a bright. apple red spider staring straight at me. It was probably about 2 feet wide and 8 inches high. His legs stood perfectly still and I could see that he was waiting. Staring at me and taunting as if to say “are you ready?”
That’s when I heard it. A rustling of legs running towards me from all directions. I start to panic. Just wishing I could run away from whatever horrible thing this vivid oppressor had in store for me.
That’s when I saw them. Millions upon millions of spiders. Small black and brown jumping spiders, to fanged tarantulas all running straight towards me, and I couldn’t move a muscle. As the black sea of arachnids approached, I started to sweat. And it dripped down my face as I started shaking. Then I could feel each one crawling up my legs, into my clothes, up my chest closer to my face.
I flailed my neck back and forth, which successfully threw some away, but it was no use for the number I was up against. They were in my ears and I could feel them running through my head biting and itching away. My mouth started to fill and suddenly in my nose and wiggling through my hair. The pain was unbearable. I just wanted to scream.  I was praying for death just for peace from this hell I was enduring. And that red spider. THAT FUCKING SPIDER! Why was it watching?! Were they under it’s command?!

“NO!” I woke up yelling. I looked over to my digital clock to see 4:33 in bright, red numbers. I let out an exasperated sigh and leaned back on my headboard. Just hoping I didn’t wake up my mother. The last thing I need is her bitching at me this early in the morning.  Suddenly, A chilling sensation went down my spine. It was a cold unlike any I had ever felt before. Where it was like I could feel all the cartilage between my vertebrae freezing one by one.
It was like death. And I felt alone and a bit scared. I soon after called my girlfriend saying I couldn’t sleep. She worked the night shift at Chili’s and usually got home around 3am most days. So, I figured she would be up anyway, and today was no exception. I didn’t go back to sleep last night. When she went to bed about 5:30, I played some Call Of Duty online until my mother got up for work. 

Part 7

The next day went by pretty quickly. I had economics test to study for and a few errands to run. So, it didn't take long until I was on my way to pick up Cass for the bonfire. It was an hour out in the middle of nowhere and luckily she knew where she was going because my GPS had lost connection 40 minutes into our trip. We got there around 9pm and everyone was already wasted. We walked over to say hi to a few friends and grab a beer. We sat around the fire and watched girls stumble all over each other and yell over-excited slurs while the jocks tried to compete for the title of Biggest Douchebag on campus. Keg stands, wrestling, beer pong.. all that. Jason Meyers was even getting water-boarded to show off to this cute brunette he had been flirting with all night. Oh yeah, because looking like a complete dumbass is going to get you laid, bro.

Everything was pretty tame for the next few hours. To be honest, I was actually having fun for the first time in months. I looked over and saw an empty chair where Cass had been sitting.There was no sign of her anywhere and after another half an hour of trying to distract myself and saying "I'm sure she's fine", I was starting to get a little worried. "There really weren't many places she could have gone, and I don't think she stole my car.. "

I walked out towards the woods and passed all the classy people pissing and vomiting by trees. I looked over in the distance and saw what looked like someone in the dirt. Maybe she fell and needed some help. I ran over and behind some shrubbery was Jason fucking the brunette. kudos. He gave me a satisfied look and before she noticed, I walked back the other way. I decided not to tell them that the foliage they were fornicating on was poison ivy.

I continued walking through the wooded area for what seemed like an hour. I was pretty drunk though, so my time perception might have been slightly modified. I checked the time on my phone and discovered that I had a bar of signal here. I called Cass and heard her phone ringtone. Marry You by Bruno Mars. Go figure.

I walked towards the sound. I looked around and noticed a dim light in a pile of leaves a few feet away from me. I reached down and picked up a dark blue hand holding the phone. It was decayed and covered in scabs. I threw it down and saw a girl with short brown hair.. dead. maggots all over her; oozing out of her eye sockets and back into her nostrils. Her left leg was twisted behind her like she had fallen out of the tree above. I tried to turn her over to try to find ID, but I puked inside my mouth at the smell. She was wearing a gray dress with dried blood and dirt all over the front. Suddenly the corpse turned its head around and grinned straight at me. her lips and teeth were rotted and worms were crawling through where her bottom teeth should have been. I fell back and felt a hand on my shoulder behind me. My heart started pounding and I was ready to jump up and run. Almost crying from fright, I turned to see Cassidy standing there with her friend. "Why are you all the way out here? We've been looking for you forever, babe. Oh and you found my phone? Thanks! I thought I had lost it!" I was breathing heavily and couldn't believe how nonchalant she was being. But to my surprise when she went to pick up her phone 

on the ground, there was nothing there but an unsettled pile of dirt, that was caused by my falling backward.

I had her drive us home. After that I didn't think I was in any condition to drive. If I was by myself, I wouldn't care and I'd probably risk it, but I wanted to make sure that she got home safely. 

"Are you alright? You seemed disturbed when I found you tonight. And why were you all by yourself?" Cass had a sweet voice, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk. I wanted silence, but I should have known with the state she found me in.

"I just had to take a piss.. I'm drunk so I slipped and fell in the mud. That's all. Good thing though, because I found your phone."

"Yeah," she replied. "The weird thing is, I don't remember going out that way at all. So, how would it have been there? I mean, I was helping Lisa at one point because she felt sick, but I didn't walk that far."

I shrugged and turned on the radio. I like to occasionally listen to classical music. Bach, Beethoven and Mozart can usually clear my head if I'm stressed about something.. And it was an excuse to stop talking to her.

Part 8

"I'm telling you. It was so fucking weird. I've never hallucinated like that before. It scared me, dude."
Jon looked at me skeptically, eating some old BK onion rings he found in his car from the day before.
“Did someone spike your drink? Maybe you were just tripping on some bad acid or something.”
“No, I don’t think so.. I didn’t see anything else weird the whole night.”
“I don’t know, man. I think you’re just stressed out and losing sleep. I know how that can be. Lately I’ve been an insomniac and I have nothing to keep my mind busy. At least you have a girlfriend to keep you preoccupied.. How’s Cassie doing anyway?”
“Cassidy. And she’s fine. She has something going on today with her friends from her book club thing. They all like to go to Starbucks every Monday after school and hang out. And yeah, well at least you have a full time job and will be able to move out of your parents’ house this year. Which is more than I can say. I thought you were talking to that new girl from your calculus class?”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to work out. She’s not my type.”
Jon has had issues with girls for a while now. He was in a 3 year relationship at one point, but she ended up moving out of state for college and long distance just didn’t work out for them. He’s been in a clinical state of depression for as long as I knew him. His parents tried medicating him at one point, but he decided that he’d rather feel the emotional pain then be a drone to everyone. He’s good at hiding any emotion he has though. We have that in common. But the difference is, I generally don’t care.
 “Where’s Ellie?”
“At her boyfriend’s house. She said she’d text me later about getting us into the club over there tonight if you’re interested.”
“No, that’s okay. You have fun, man. I’m going to catch up on some homework and chill at home tonight. After this weekend, I just need a day to relax.”
“Understandable. If you change your plans, let me know. Maybe we can hang out after I get back.”

We hung out for another few hours, just smoking and playing Magic.
I checked my phone and saw two missed calls from Cassidy. I was always more of a texter and usually kept my phone on silent. Which she knew and chose to ignore most days. I got a voicemail saying that she was waiting on me to pick her up for our date, which I had completely forgotten about. It’s our some-obscure-month anniversary. I never understood that. A year, that’s alright to celebrate.. And I would even understand 6 months.. But 3 months.. Who cares? Women.

She chose Olive Garden for dinner. A classic choice. I mean, who can beat those awesome breadsticks? She was talking about animals being sent to the local pound and how she was going to volunteer there for the Summer. I was half listening and half gazing into the distance behind her. The waitress who was taking orders of an elderly couple a few tables back was distracting. Her hair was blonde and the light caught it beautifully. Now, I know how bad it sounds to be looking at other girls on a date, but there was something about her that seemed familiar. She turned and met my gaze momentarily and smiled. I quickly looked back at Cass. She looked annoyed. Before I could muster the words “I’m sorry, go on” I saw the waitress take a knife from the table and start walking towards us. Angry with a menacing smile that almost looked hungry. I jumped up threatened and yelled “What the fuck?! Get back!” about to throw a punch if she got any closer.

But instead Cass stood up embarrassed and stormed out. The waitress was holding a cheese grader and looked quizzically appalled. I looked around the room and noticed everyone was staring at me. The manager was walking towards me but before he could say it, I interrupted with “Sorry, I’m leaving”
I wanted to apologize to the waitress but she tried her hardest not to make eye contact.
And honestly, I don’t blame her. What’s wrong with me?

The ride back was awkwardly silent. I called Cassidy and apologized as soon as I got home. She said she’d forgive me but wanted a few days to regain composure and would call me. I sat on my bed and played some Half Life on my laptop.
 I stared at the computer screen for hours until I started to drift off to sleep. I tried to fight it just to avoid what night terror I would have soon after. But, the urge became too powerful and I succumbed to the darkness. 

Part 9

“Dear Katelyn,

There is so much I want to say to you.  But, how can I explain on a page what took me years to understand myself?  I have.. these feelings. Hatred, and envy. My sins will be the death of you if you don’t run. These visions of terror are making me believe fallacies about the life that I know and care for.
It’s controlling me and I can’t stop it.. You have to get away before it consumes you too.
I cannot live with this monster inside me any longer. I know you think this isn’t fair, but I have to do this. The hunger is getting stronger and everyday it gets worse.   I can’t keep it at bay much longer, so please hear me when I say I wish it didn’t have to end like this.. Do not mourn my death today, for I have been dead too long already. Take care of our boy, my darling.. I love you.”

I woke up next to my window with a pen in my hand, black ink all over my sweater sleeve and a disconcerting feeling of confusion. Did I write the letter I heard in my head?
This dream was less disturbing.. which was a relief.
Just a voice reciting his last words to his lover.. It was like no one I had ever heard before.  Deep and raspy, yet calming.

I started to think that maybe there could be a connection to all these dreams and odd hallucinations I had been having.. But nothing made sense. Nothing had a common element except for the man I saw twice.. “Should I see a psychiatrist? Have I jumped off the deep end? Shit.. “

I texted Cassidy twice that day. No response. I guess she was out with her friends..Still upset with me too, no doubt.

School  wasn’t really a priority for me at the moment, so even though I had a test the next day, I decided to drive out to Elise’s club for a distraction. The bass was bumping and drugs were being passed out like candy. Jon was at the bar talking to some chick and Elise was coked out and dancing on the floor. The combination of strobe and laser lights made everything look slow-motion. It was pretty sick.

After a few drinks, I started walking around looking for anyone to talk to really. I had a good time with no weird visions and I felt chatty. I made my way through the crowd and suddenly I fell short of breath. There, right in front of me was Cass and some asshole underclassman named Anthony. Making out and dancing at my best friend’s club. Cass knew I was there fairly often.. "how fucking stupid does she think I am?"
Part of me hurt and wanted to go over there, confront her and kick his ass.. But the other side of me kept calm and felt a hint of desire for revenge.
Soon after, I found Elise.. and in a drunken stupor, ended up sleeping with her.  It wasn’t the moral thing to do, but it made me feel better. Jon drove me home after I told him what had happened. “Well, that’s going to be awkward tomorrow.. oh, and I'm so sorry about Cass, mate. That's terrible.”

 I woke up the next morning to my mother cursing at me. Lovely.
"Get the fuck up, you smell like dirt and booze! Go take a shower and clean your room." When I got home, I passed out on the living room couch.. physically unable to get up the stairs to my bed. Guess I had a little more to drink than I thought. My head was pounding and the last thing I needed was this unpleasant wake up call.. and I still had to break up with Cass.. which felt more like a chore at this point. Fuck me and my apathy.
I called her shortly after. It was a lot of her crying and me not really paying attention so I wouldn't get more angry about it. Her voice just sounded obnoxious to me and I was happy to end that conversation.

I hadn't been this hungover since my cousin's 21st birthday 2 years ago. That night was totally worth it though, where last night did not even compare. I sat around and tried to read, but the words on the pages just gave me a headache. I knew where my mom kept all of her prescriptions, so I grabbed a couple pills to help me sleep it off. Nothing too strong, but hopefully I'd be out to the point where I wouldn't dream. Of course not.

Part 10

I'm looking down into a dark alleyway. a third person view was uncommon, but a nice change of pace.
I saw a girl running. Backed up into a corner yelling frantically "I'm sorry! I"m so sorry! please don't so this!" Then I saw him. A man in a long brown coat walking towards her.. hungry eyes and gun in his hand. There was nothing I could do for her as I watched him rape her and drag her by the hair with a gun in her mouth so she couldn't scream. Why was no one else around to hear her plea for help?! It was terrible. I couldn't go protect her and I couldn't wake myself up. So I had to just watch. I watched him drive to the woods and strangle her until she stopped moving. Silently he kissed her head and threw her onto the ground by a tree. He didn't even bury her. Just left her to rot beneath the leaves and be eaten by wildlife out in the middle of nowhere. I tried screaming but heard nothing. The man looked up at me like he knew I was watching. I couldn't see his eyes, but I could sense that he felt.. accomplished in some twisted way..



I couldn't sleep for over 72 hours. Maybe I had too much on my mind, or I was so scared to dream, my body had reprogrammed itself to insomnia.. whatever the case, I could feel my eyes getting heavy, but something was keeping me up. And at this point, it was getting unbearable. Every light I focused on turned into a blur and all sounds around me faded into a silent humming. I kept thinking about these dreams that were now haunting me. Who is "Katelyn"?